Blog One: Something beautiful

So it’s about time I made a blog.

I have to write about what God is doing in my life. I can’t hold it in. It’s so amazing, so devastating, so tragic, so glorious, so heartbreaking, so incredible, I just have to share it, regardless of how controversial it might be. Yeah it might hurt certain people’s feelings, but this is my free space. My blog. My story. And I need to get it out.

These past few weeks have been awful. Two weeks ago was what I unashamedly called the week from hell. For just a moment, I’ll give you a brief overview so that you don’t think I’m just exaggerating.

My ex-best friend completely shred the final strand of hope in mending our friendship. She blocked me on Facebook and she refuses to explain why. And of course, whenever we’re in the same room, she acts like nothing is wrong. Her fakeness sickens me. But more than that, her behavior tore me apart.

Within the same week, I watched a few other friends drop off my radar. It was overwhelmingly discouraging. There were lies spread about me. I got into fights with my family, friends and Jackson, and overall just felt miserable and worthless. Satan threw everything he could at me. As soon as I thought I was safe to get back up, he would knock me down again with something else.

With my life ripping at the seams, it was hard to find it in my heart to praise God. I cried out to Him, begged Him to give me my friends back, and pleaded for Him to stop all this heartache. I didn’t know how to act or speak to Him. But I pressed on, fighting for my life. Things started getting better, slowly but surely, the more I kept reaching out for God, grabbing hold of His love and trying desperately hard not to let go.

Then, out of nowhere, I learned that my youth minister—my spiritual mentor, one who taught me more about Jesus than I ever imagined—was leaving our church to plant a new church over a hundred miles away.

At first, I was angry. He told us he wasn’t going to leave. David was the “gamechanger” for me—if he left the church, so would I. I’d stay otherwise. If David could find a reason to stay, there must be hope in this place. Our church was falling apart. It still is. There was nothing keeping me here other than my friends (who will all probably leave within this year anyway) and my dad (who had just become an elder). Now that David, my friend, was leaving, why should I stay? Just to support my dad? Was that enough to keep me coming back? It made me so angry. I was devastated.

Sunday school was emotionally loaded after David dropped the bomb. We all prayed around him, most of us just trying to keep it together. My mom brought a box of Kleenex. I think we used up every single tissue. The junior and senior girls cried the entire time, and my mom and I never got to the actual lesson. We couldn’t stop crying and praying.

But God was there in that room. He spoke through Jessica Irby. I won’t say all that she said, but I just know that it was about 95% the Holy Spirit through her. It was incredible.

And then we prayed.

And I wanted to take my shoes off.

Because the ground in that room was holy.

God used Jessica Irby and the amazing girls of in our Sunday school class to speak to me and soften my heart. We cried together, loved together, and experienced together.

I’m no longer angry at David for leaving. He’s done his work with us. God needs him in Chattanooga to demonstrate His love there in that place and reach more people. This is part of growing and maturing, and our youth group needs to grow and mature. And I’m proud of David and will keep him in my prayers throughout his ministry up in TN.

God has been using a famous author/speaker named Rob Bell to speak to me through his book Velvet Elvis through all of this, as well. I’ve learned so much, and I’ll be updating you with new things that I’m learning as I go on.

I just had to share this story with you. The story of how my God is so amazing, so big, and so compassionate. My life may be falling apart, but it’s a blessing that I am so grateful for. God is using all of it to make something beautiful.

And I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen next.