That fasting week was...eh.
I feel like I kinda cheated. I picked the week of finals to fast from the internet. Whoop-a-dee-doo! Doesn't everyone fast from the internet during finals week? Or at least, shouldn't they? I didn't do it for God. I did it because I knew I wouldn't have studied otherwise.
I'm not trying hard enough.
In fact, I'm not really putting much effort into at all.
And, funny, I'm the one who's suffering the most from it.
I'm about to dive into something that completely goes against every fiber of my being.
I'm giving up texting for a week.
GASP!! AMY IS DOING WHAT!?
Yeah, you heard me.
I need a Sabbath. A real Sabbath. I need rest. I need rejuvenation. I need silence. Most of all, I need to reconnect with my Abba.
Am I cheating again by making it the week of camp?
Maybe.
But the thing is, when else would I ever be able to do it? God knows I'm already pushing myself way harder than I normally would to give up my phone. I would give it up completely if I wasn't a leader, but restraining from texting, even to my own boyfriend is already a stretch. And with Tyler still in Texas (he's able to text again, thank God!), it'll be even harder to resist. But this is between me and God. I want this more than anything--I want to reconnect with my God again. I want this summer to be like summer of 2008--the closest God and I have ever been--but even better! Even stronger!
Maybe.
But the thing is, when else would I ever be able to do it? God knows I'm already pushing myself way harder than I normally would to give up my phone. I would give it up completely if I wasn't a leader, but restraining from texting, even to my own boyfriend is already a stretch. And with Tyler still in Texas (he's able to text again, thank God!), it'll be even harder to resist. But this is between me and God. I want this more than anything--I want to reconnect with my God again. I want this summer to be like summer of 2008--the closest God and I have ever been--but even better! Even stronger!
Plus, I need to forgive her.
I've held this grudge for so long now, and yet it still feels as if it just happened yesterday. The pain is ridiculously raw, and I want to forgive her and move on with my life, but I can't. It's awful. I want the pain to go away. I've prayed the prayer of forgiveness, but not like I should. I need my Daddy to kiss the tears away. I need my Savior to take the burden from me so that I can be free again. But in order to do that, I need to surrender first.
I need You, Father.
--
I can finally see that You're right here beside me.
I am not my own, for I have been made new.
Please don't let me go.
I desperately need You.
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