Vacation Insomnia?

You know what's weird?

I'll tell you, whether you asked or not.

It's weird to be in your bed in a condo on the beach at 12:25 in the morning writing a blog. It's weird having to stay up when you're absolutely exhausted, trying to figure out why your soul won't let you sleep.

What is it that needs to be expressed so urgently that sleep must be postponed?

Whatever it is, it had better be worth it once it gets here.

Tonight was an existential night.

Jackson would be so proud of me for using that word.

But the weirdest part is that it shouldn't be, because we drove to Orlando from near Tampa to see the Blue Man Group and their amazing randomness and talent and ate at Bubba Gump, one of the most random restaurants ever established. Tonight was filled with fun and laughter and randomness. It was amazing.

But something happens when it's dark and quiet, and you put in your headphones and listen to soft music on your iPod.

"My Love" by Sia.

It's from the Eclipse soundtrack. Yeah, I'm a dork, but this song is beautiful.

I don't even know what it's about yet, and it's incredible.

Listen to it and you'll see what I mean.

But now I have nothing to say.

There's so much going on in my head that I can't sleep, and yet I can't type out all that my brain is buzzing about.

Ugh, I'll just type something good anyway.

Life is short.

I don't know if you realize that, or if you've thought about it recently, but it is.

Life is short, precious, and it's the only one you've got.

Sometimes it takes gazing out across the ocean or staring up at the night sky, but you need to be reminded of how small you are.

It's so intimidating and yet so beautiful to fully embrace.

Think about it.

Take a few minutes and just breathe in and out and realize it.

Crazy isn't it?

I think a vacation was exactly what I needed.

Closures & New Beginnings

Here's a summary of camp this year. I found this verse last week and instantly fell deeply in love with it. It's almost as if I wrote it myself, but it was in fact David.

Psalm 73:21-26
"Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
and I was all torn up inside.
I was so foolish and ignorant--
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to You.
Yet I still belong to You;
You hold my right hand.
You guide me with Your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
I desire You more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
He is mine forever!"

So many amazing things happened at camp.
My life has been completely turned upside down, making a drastic u-turn from the way it was headed only a few weeks ago. I had just gotten to the point where I didn't care anymore, and it was awful. I had no interest in praying or spending time in God's Word. I didn't even want to go to camp at all, but God obviously had other plans.

God worked on me in many ways. He worked on my patience. He worked on my joy. He worked on the way I love people, and how I express that love. He worked on my pride, and on every weak point I have. Above all other things that He did this week, there's one thing that I still can't get over...

IT'S OVER!
I've forgiven her!
I've let it all go!
I laid all the hurt, the pain, the anger, the bitterness all down at the cross, and I've never felt so free! It's amazing! Sure, it still hurts a little when I think about it, but I don't cringe whenever I see her! I don't hate her anymore, I only wish things had ended differently! The difference is amazing and I'm so happy! How crazy is that?

Sunday was the closure I needed. When I saw everyone from camp again AND worshiped to the song that we sang at camp AND witnessed a sixth baptism, I was hooked.

Father, I'm back.
I'm home.
I'm right here beside You and that's where I want to stay.
I know the road is narrow, and the opposing current is strong, but You're so magnetic and I refuse to let go this time.
I will shine for You and I won't let Your light burn out!
Nothing will stop us now, Father God.
Take this heart and make it Yours forever!

I concede, my Love, that I need Your love
I'm before You, a broken [wo]man
And it's only You, no substitutes, who can renew this soul again...
I feel revived again
I am alive again
Burning for You
You got me lifting and lifting--You lift me up!
I feel revived again
I'm energized again
Burning for You
You got me lifting and lifting--You lift me up!